


Nigel

by yamcasserole



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Gen, Well idk about 'major character' but he's a major character in this one fic, damn Hilbert back at it again with the decima
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 14:32:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6243193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamcasserole/pseuds/yamcasserole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nigel wasn't really sure why he was there, actually. The scientist could have probably just cleaned up his own messes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nigel

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I don't know what this is. Inspired by this post:  
> http://iamzachvalenti.tumblr.com/post/140939635536/travelingworkshop-personalinsanitymoment
> 
> (I tried to make a fun happy Nigel for like .5 seconds but it just wasn't working out so here's all of my thoughts slapped onto a page in the span of ten minutes I'm sorry. I was too lazy to give Hilbert another alias so he doesn't have a name here. Also no autopilot AI because I thought this through about 0%.)

     The scientist was pretty good company, all in all. He didn't seem to mind Nigel talking to him, and the man could tell a pretty good joke when he put his mind to it. Nigel wasn't exactly sure why a larger crew hadn't been sent up (the ship was  _huge_ , after all), but it did mean less messes for him to clean up. Well, only slightly less. The good doctor managed to create a near-catastrophe on a daily basis. 

     "You know, I still don't understand why one man would need a janitor," Nigel mused, picking desiccated bits of plant matter out of an air vent in the laboratory. The scientist shrugged, looking up from his experiment.

     "Well, it does seem you have been busy, no? Things go much more quickly this way. Efficiency is of the utmost importance."

     "You oughta slow down a bit, Doc," Nigel said, turning away from a pile of precariously stacked specimens in order to cough into his elbow. "We've still got a good twenty days before we head home."

     "That is what I worry about," the scientist muttered, glancing at his notebooks. "Not all of my experiments may be... resolved in time." Nigel shrugged. 

     "You shouldn't worry so much. Say, why don't you tell that joke again. The one with the island." The scientist gave a forced smile and pushed his notebooks to the side. 

     "Very well. Three men are on deserted island. Have been there for months. Starving, desperate, afraid."

     "I do miss real coffee."

     "Anyway. One day, one man finds magic lamp. Genie comes out of lamp, gives each of them a wish."

     "I think I'd wish to see my dog again. I wonder how he's doing. What would you wish for, Doc?" The scientist gave an irritated sigh. 

     "I thought you wanted to hear joke."

     "Of course, of course. Carry on."

     "Man number one wishes to go home to family. So genie goes 'poof!' Man goes away." Nigel chuckled. The scientist continued. "Man number two wishes to go home to wife. So genie goes 'poof!' Man goes away." Nigel was laughing uproariously, face red as a beet, wheezing with mirth. The scientist drew a breath as he prepared to tell the punchline, but was distracted as Nigel's laughs dissolved into a fit of coughing, racking the man's frame. The scientist stared at him, startled. Nigel's coughing grew more violent, propelling him a few feet higher in the air despite the relatively high gravity of the laboratory. The scientist scrambled to grab his notebooks as Nigel's coughing gradually abated and he went limp, floating near the air vent. The scientist casually recorded data, glancing appraisingly at the late janitor.

     "You did not get to hear punchline. Man number three with his wish, says 'I do not want to be alone.' It is a funny joke. Never fails. Good long laugh."


End file.
